Knit Knightmares - From First Nation to First Hole

Since I started posting these knitting and crochet pictures from the past, my Mom has jokingly said "Watch it son, you're on thin ice!" She's a veteran in the field. Her stuff is awesome. She knits sweaters for Jack and he loves them, wears them most every day. But it's not just her; in truth I come from a line of knitters and loomers. My grandfather knit hats. Lots of them. He had a method for making the little yarn ball on the top that made it look furry and welcoming. Any furry yarn ball made now pales to a Harlow furry yarn ball. I'm proud of my lineage, but I'm also the son of a preacher so I can write. That means when I see these pictures from 1970 or 71 something goes off inside me. It's a calling, really.


First Nation Fringe

What better way to honor the rich heritage, earthy style, and unique cultures of Native Americans than with yarn? Not just any yarn mind you, but yarn the color of a rusty mountain guard rail. Forget leather or suede; those are too expensive. You can duplicate all the style without any of the practicality by simply knitting a vest with shag fringe and vaguely Southwestern patterns. Provide lots of elaborate holes in the pattern so the high winds of the open prairie can break through and chill your skin like the back of a painted pony in the dead of winter. Blend styles from different tribes and groups; who will notice? Ah 1970; you stand at the crossroads of 1960s freedom, and 1970s freakshow. There's a little of each in this photo of Shannon Knitswitholdwomen, who by the way looks about as indigenous as a Kennedy.

I think my 2nd Grade teachers aid had this outfit. Seriously. In my opinion the only person who could totally pull off the look - including thin 70s headband - was Ali MacGraw.

Failure on The First Hole

"May I play through, ladies?"

Whether teeing off or skiing off, this ensemble will accentuate chiseled chins, shapeless midriffs, and stubby fingers in ways never imagined before. Besides...Chicks dig a man with confidence, while adding bonus points for wearing hats adorned with Christmas ornaments from Whoville. Keep telling yourself that, and it will become so. Good thing the color of his pants matches one of the color rings in the sweater; otherwise they would be better suited for a jockey based on the fit and stretch in disturbing places.

Truthfully? Something tells me he probably got beat up on the 7th green.