Bacon Strip Mall: Running - Get Out There and Bury Some Butter

I gotta tell you...being off schedule and sitting around with a bum foot has driven me crazy. I really didn't want to cry wolf last week when my left pinky toe started giving me big-toe sized trouble. But it actually ended up being a wolf. The doctor - who has grilled me about my weight for a decade - got me on the right gooey medicine and now a few days later I'm no longer limping around like someone has driven a skewer through my foot. To use my niece's favorite word - "Bliss." This morning's 30-minute "starter walk" in the rain took me through the woods while listening to the soothing sounds of Italian solo-guitar metal. So far I've buried the equivalent of several sticks of butter in those woods, walking and burning fat along the trails that gain and lose elevation several times. It's a peaceful place, and now it's also satisfying.

I want to share something that is at the core of my effort to lose weight. With the Holiday Season approaching - a time when even the undereaters will overeat - I think it's an important thing for me to get out there. This blog post originally started as an alert to Clarkblog readers that "I'm back and this is what I did." But my brain regularly goes on a tangent, and a message started to emerge that I simply couldn't ignore. If it seems to ramble a bit, please stay with me. It has a good ending...

Contrary to what my brain thought would happen during my "time off," I did not gain back the 20+ pounds that I've lost since setting out on this odyssey to weight loss in August. Big relief. However, I do feel softer than I did a week ago, and I don't like it one bit. It may be that I'm just hyper-sensitive to this, since I've struggled with weight for so long. I also felt my appetite increase over the week, which is an indicator to be that my relationship with food is entirely whacked. It was like a double whammy. Why on Earth would my body be telling me I need more food when I'm burning fewer calories? There is something really really wrong with this picture. Knowing that the signals my body sends may not be accurate, I tried my best to maintain or even eat less than I do when exercising. In short, it wasn't easy. When surrounded by the foods that have sustained me for decades - pizza, chili, hot dogs, chips, and the like - "just-having-a-little-bit" simply doesn't work. I've mentioned before that pizza is my kryptonite. Add a couple of hot dogs and some cool ranch doritos and I'm done for. If I could protest against appetite brutality, I would. But unfortunately this is a silent fight, different for each person and a struggle for many people just like me. Without any tools to simply turn the appetite off, instead I've listened to what my body says since August.

What I've learned is that sometimes my body is a big fat liar.

The hunger pangs I've felt over the years? It would seem that they aren't always hunger pangs. Let's just call them, "I-want-to-be-comfortable pangs." Coffee - black and often - seems to tame some, but other pangs are sneaky. Sneaky Pangs are the ones I discover only when I've got a hand in the fridge, without even knowing I've put it there. What does this all mean in layman's terms? It means that each day, every day, every hour, I'm thinking about food. Whether to eat it or whether to avoid it. Food is a permanent fixture to how I maintain my day. Appetite is my friend and my enemy at the same time, and the in-between is very very convoluted.

I've alluded to this battle before. This has been a challenge for me since I was very young. But for whatever reason this latest session of exercise and weight loss has unleashed different ideas and more weapons against what has kept me heavy. This time around I seem to have more to work with. There is truth in the old quote paraphrased here:

"That which does not harm us makes us stronger."

An increase in physical activity has not harmed me. Sure, I've had a couple of casualties - pinky toe and left knee. But I'm still walking, and running for that matter. In terms of physical activity, I've discovered that the more I do, the less I seem to be controlled by appetite. I also feel that in a way I've let go of the "must-eat-this-much" paradigm in my life, and allowed my body to experiment with amounts that work. Hunger still occurs, but it's a honest deep-down shaky-hands hunger instead of a nagging brainless-hand-in-the-fridge hunger. If I can come to grips with the difference, and disregard what isn't a genuine need for food, then this battle of four decades could very well be won.

With this offensive strategy comes a genuine shift in a mindset about food. I eat more often, but in smaller amounts. If I eat late, I eat less than I did before. The mental walls that kept the large food servings in front of me are coming down; I didn't think twice about splitting a Costco hot dog with Jack over the weekend, but that act would have been nearly impossible one year ago, and filled with a lot of anguish. Sharing a hot dog may not sound like a big deal to some, but to people who know me this may seem like a real swing away from who I've been...for as long as I've been around. Please understand that change of this kind doesn't happen overnight; it's taken three months to move away from an old way of thinking. After experiencing some of this kind of change, I've concluded that slow change in eating habits is as healthy as slow change in body weight. Slow is better, because slow results seem to stay longer - and ultimately bring along some healthier habits.

If you are anything like me, struggling with your weight or appetite, know there is hope. Maybe you look at that huge plate of food - or any hot table at a buffet - and share with me that sense of helplessness in the notion that you really really want to eat everything you see. You may feel conflicted over what sits in front of you at the dinner table, sadly watching as those around you seem to have the uncanny ability to push themselves away from their last bite, while you can't help but to clean your plate a second time. You, my friend, are not alone. I've been there, for forty years. Sometimes the problem can seem insurmountable, giving you the feeling that there is no point in trying. All I ask is that you try anyway. Keep trying. Do something related to your health, three days in a row. It doesn't need to be big or flashy. Pick one thing and start there. Do small stuff, like replacing one sedentary thing in your day with an active one. Find something that's good for your body. Find a reason to walk if you can. If you have stairs at work, tackle them instead of using an elevator. If you have a parking lot at work, park as far from the building as you can physically handle. Replace that candy with an apple. Drink a lot of water. Just keep at it. Good change is slow change, despite what the Infomercials tell you. Have some fun, and find some fun in a way that gets your body moving. Afraid of what you'll look like? Don't be, for if you do it long enough you won't look like that anymore. It's starts there, and it can start today. And I'm right there behind you. Let's go out and burn some fuel.

Maybe you can bury some butter in the woods too!