Rest In Peace, Toastie the Toaster

It is with a heavy heart that we announce the demise of Toastie, our mostly trustworthy red KitchenAid toaster. Toastie came to us as a replacement for Sketchy, the inconsistent Eighties-era dual slot toaster with woodlike sticker inlays that had been in our home since the Reagan Era.

Born in Asia near the middle of the 21st Century's first decade, Toastie arrived in America on a freighter before becoming of part of the team at Target. Once there Toastie moved quick from Receiving to the Sales Floor. Toastie's tenure at the Clark home was a testament of life dedicated to service for others. It is estimated that Toastie was responsible for preparing toast from over 100 loaves of bread in 2008 alone. Most certainly the highlights of Toasties life would be creating perpetual snack sustenance for David and Jack.

But like the seasons or a championship pennant, a life of selfless service in the Clark home could never last forever; on Friday 1/17/09, when no longer able to hold toast down when pressed, Toastie went out with a zap and a pop that illuminated the kitchen like a Shuttle launch. Toast duties have been handed to chrome-bodied Scorchie, who feels nearly as hot on the outside as he does on the inside. Despite Scorchie's ability and simple character, the honored post on the counter will never be the same.

Toastie leaves behind a loaf and a half of butter-top white, four english muffins, and four mini bagels that should have been eaten last week. No services are planned, and Toastie will be interred until such time that an electronics recycling run can be made. Donations of bread and bagels should be directed to the Clark household.

Rest in Peace, Toastie the Toaster!


1/18/09 Update: Schorchie has been replaced by Stealthie, our new four-port flat black toaster from Oster!